these boots were made for walkin'....

Clever, no?  Well, boots aren't really the topic of this post.

See these beauties?  These were picked out amongst hundreds of other options in my quest to find the perfect wedding shoes.  The hunt began right around this time three years ago.  I purchased several options...only to return them after a second glance.  But these shoes made the cut...and today they sit perched on a shelf in my closet....at the perfect height for my toddler to grab them and play with.

Like most engaged couples, we struggled with focusing on the fact that we weren't just preparing for a wedding...but for a marriage.  These shoes are just one example where emphasis might have been placed heavily on items that truly had little importance after August 16th, 2008.  On Saturday mornings we'd gather in our Pastor's home and I'd gush over wedding favors, flowers & the invitations...and while our Pastor and his wife were excited along with us, they were also quick to continually remind us that the wedding is one day....and we ought to be pouring more (or at least just as much!) focus into the lifelong commitment we were going to be making.

They were right.

And...we knew that.  Quite honestly I think we did pretty well with the balance.

Something lately has triggered my mind to remember those comments nearly three years ago.  I suppose it's the fact that my daughter takes every opportunity to pull those shoes (and many more) off my shelf and stomp around during the day.  The very fact that I was spending my days pouring over shoe options nearly three years ago, and today I'm searching for the best grocery deals, diaper deals & googl-ing how to remove mud stains from kids clothes....that right there shows how different my life has become.

I had only known my now husband a year (dated 8 months) before I said "I do."  We became pregnant two months later...and on our second anniversary we were celebrating with our one-year old daughter & I was battling morning sickness from baby number two.

We skipped a lot of the newlywed stage...heck, we skipped a lot of the dating stage.  I don't regret it, but it did put us on the "fast track" to dealing with real life.  Baby number one didn't shake our lives up too much, but with baby number two & a toddler fighting for our attention, we're forced to face the facts.

Marriage is beautiful & marriage is HARD.

I love my husband more than I ever could have imagined, but I am a selfish, sinful person that is married to another selfish, sinful person.  We both own that fact....and we are both painfully working through that fact in order to love each other more intentionally & seek God's will for our marriage.  And I'll be honest, there are days that I wish I could return...or at least would have treasured more...the time when finding the perfect wedding shoes was my biggest worry, when sleeping in meant past 10am & when I could go to the bathroom without having an audience.

While those shoes may have brought me down the aisle.. it's God's grace that is bringing me through marriage.

Breastfeeding won't earn me a spot in Heaven & having an epidural won't keep me out...

I’ve been absent lately…or for the last month…but who is counting? I’d make excuses, but there’s no need. My family needs me---and that right there is why my computer gets left closed sometimes for days in a row lately. (Thank goodness for an iphone that still allows me to be “plugged” in for email & facebook while nursing Jack..)

I’d love to say it’s been just peachy here & that we are all well rested and adjusting to a new family member quite well. But that wouldn’t be true, and exhaustion just somehow forces honesty in me…so to be quite candid, it’s been chaos here for the last month.

Total chaos.

We are living in a home that looks like laundry (and my pantry) threw up in it, dealing with a baby who may have colic, reflux or both, trying to love on a toddler who is entering that independent & defiant stage, struggling to find time to nurture our marriage, working on plans to deal with financial burdens, hoping for rest & healing for Jack & myself and mostly just trying to “survive.”

I desire for my husband to be greeted by happy kids, a picked up home & a put-together wife. But most days I’m passing one (or both) kids off in order to clean puke off myself or wipe fresh “mom tears” from my face. Thankfully, he doesn’t have set expectations like I do…or if he does, he isn’t sharing them with me. J

But that brings me back to the point of this post. I, like my most mothers, have to fight against the comparison game every single day. Most of the time I win that battle, because quite frankly, my husband and I are convinced that we are parenting in the ways we know best. But exhaustion sets in & I quickly find myself frustrated, discouraged & often angry that I don’t have it all together, that nursing is a harder road for us than some, that my kids have no idea what a “schedule” is, that I can’t seem to love my husband well “enough”, that my daughter has spent more time watching Word World in the last month than I’ve spent reading books with her, & that despite my best attempts---I’m not, and never will be, June-stinkin’- Cleaver.

And so I fold. Or that’s at least my metaphor at the moment, and honestly, a common theme in my blogging. And not in a “I give up” sort of way, but in a “I’m going to be REAL honest and admit that I can’t do it all, & shouldn’t even try” sort of way. Part of that is recognizing that when I attempt to love my husband & my children relying solely on my own strength that I fail miserably…the other part is knowing that God is faithful to not just help me “survive” through these days…but really thrive through these days.

So, when I see the box of unopened Easter Egg dye because Mommy had an “Oh! Easter is TOMORROW???” moment, or my daughter’s laundry basket full of pj’s only because we never got into “real” clothes at all last week, or when I painfully follow the doctor’s advice and lay my screaming kid down in his crib just so I can have a break….

I remind myself that I’m not being compared in His eyes to the mom down the street that can “do it all.”

I remind myself that my husband loves me, whether or not I’m covered in spit up.

I remind myself that my daughter won’t remember whether or not we dyed easter eggs when she was 21 months old.

I remind myself that I’ll be a better mom when I lay my son down and “take a break”

I remind myself that, it’s ok to cry….and it’s even more ok to be totally real about a situation.

But mostly, I’m working really hard to remind myself that His grace is the ONLY way my husband and I are going to be successful in marriage & successful as parents.


And that might be the hardest reminder of all.

You don't know Jack....yet

I've been MIA for sometime---having a newborn & toddler can have that effect on you.

We welcomed our new little (big) guy into our lives on March 26th.  Jack Silas was born at 1:53am and weighed in at 9lbs, 9 oz & was 20.5 inches long.  For his full birth story, see below. As for his name, my husband's middle name is Silas as well---and they now both have the same initials of JS__.

Life has been chaotic since returning home.  Jack had lost over 10% of his birthweight during our hospital stay because he was vomiting up fluid and after every single feeding.  Due to his speedy arrival, he had a lot of fluid that wasn't suctioned out and caused a few problems in the early days.  He's gaining weight now & nursing is improving...so we seem to be on the mend!  Lucy doesn't pay much attention to him, unless her daddy is holding him...then she really doesn't care for him as much :)  She does like to bring Jack his hat, socks, pacifier & blanket.  She also likes to steal those items and requests for us to put them on her stuffed elephant friend.

I've included the details of Jack's birth below---for my own record (and for anyone who really cares about all the details...warning, it's a long story!)

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On Thursday, March 24th, we arrived at the hospital at 4am with what we thought was real labor. Looking back now, I can see that contractions likely started to die down once we made the official “yes, I think it’s time call.” We were sent home and told I was closed, high, and thick….


That afternoon I had my 40 week doctor’s appointment and we expressed our concern to our doctor about baby’s potential size, not wanting to be induced & what the game plan would be—should baby not want to arrive on his own. I was still very high & thick----but was a definite 1….

All day Friday I noticed a lot of pressure, but no contractions. We went about our day and headed out to the grocery store after Jon returned home from work. At the second store I was noticing a ton of pressure and stopped by the restroom. When I had difficulty walking down the hallway, I thought that “this might be it…” But having had that feeling several times just to be disappointed, I didn’t really give it much credit.

We got home about 8:00 pm and I laid down in bed to rest. Within thirty minutes I had a very strong contraction all the way into my back. Seven minutes later, the same thing. After the third one I called Jonathan into the bedroom and all of a sudden they were three minutes apart. I jumped in the shower to try and help the pain while he made phone calls. My brother-in-law & sister were already in town so they met us at the hospital to pick up Lucy (who moaned along with me through contractions the entire way to the hospital…) We arrived at the hospital at 9:45pm and I was hooked up to monitors. When the nurse checked me and declared me 6 cm dilated I couldn’t believe it!

We got to our delivery room shortly thereafter and I immediately requested the epidural. Knowing I was progressing VERY quickly and that they seemed busy, I wanted to get right in line. I received my epidural and was still able to feel my legs and contractions, but wasn’t in agony like I had been. The pressure I was feeling was mounting and I was checked by my doctor and was 8cm dilated and she broke my water. I’m not sure how long exactly after that first exam I was checked again, but we called them in when the pressure got really intense and my doctor said I was a 9. They rolled me to my side and within minutes I was completely dilated. At 1:47am they called me “complete” and my doctor told me he’d be here in two pushes. Everything was set up and everyone got into place and Jack was born at 1:53am after three pushes through one contraction….I didn’t even believe them when they told me he was out!

With Lucy I was in labor for 18hours, pushed for 20 minutes. Our doctor had told us labor would be a tad quicker this time, but that we’d still have time to get to the hospital. However, Jack surprised us all with a labor lasting 5 hours, pushed for under 3 minutes. Overall we really stoked with how labor went this time, the fact that my epidural worked (but still allowed me to feel “enough” to be able to move…in fact, the doctor and nurses couldn’t believe how well I was moving), & I wasn’t totally exhausted from laboring for hours before he made his arrival---which made the process a little more enjoyable!

Bargain(s) of the week and another reason I like coupons...

Through couponing we've had the opportunity to try out several products for free or nearly free.  Before marriage I was very set in my ways of what products I used and my husband didn't really care one way or the other.  While I remain loyal to certain products (Colgate toothpaste, Charmin or Cottonelle toilet paper, Secret deodorant, Venus razors, etc....) I have been able to try new products and find that quite comparable to my old favorites.  This comes in handy when coupons are abundant for the new products.  For example, I've always been a Cascade fan when it comes to my dishwasher--but I recently got Finish dishwasher tabs for less than a $1 a box and we are really enjoying them!  Tide (and the Costco equivalent) is usually what fills our washing machine, but Purex has been winning here when we're able to get bottles so cheap after coupons.

On Sunday my husband and I made our way around to three stores to stock up on some necessities & use up some coupons for free/nearly free items.

Our first stop was Walgreens.  I hadn't shopped here in months and I went in last week to purchase some cereal for $2.83 that produced $4 in register rewards.  Forgive the photos, these were taken right after our camera screen broke and I had no way of knowing what exactly I was taking a photo of...

Purex on sale for $2.99-$1 off coupon

Fragrance Free Dryer Sheets $2 (never tried these--but wanting to try them for Lucy's laundry)

Right Guard deodorant, on sale for Buy one, get one free.  Used buy one, get one free coupon to get both for free!

2 Chapstick--.99 a piece

Total out of pocket after coupons and $4 in register rewards=$2.96

Next stop was CVS for two separate transactions.

The first:

3 packages of Charmin--on sale for $10 a piece and part of a "Spend $25, get $10 in Extra Care Bucks"

3 packages of M & M's (not pictured)--on sale, buy 2, get 1 free.  Used a buy 2, get 1 free & a .25 off coupon to get all three packages for .75

Purex fabric softener (never tried this, but we're almost out of fabric softener)--on sale for $4.00, used $2 off coupon

Total out of pocket after coupons and previous Extra care bucks=$25.59  (we "earned" $10 in this transaction)

The second

4 packs of Diet Coke--on sale for 3/$13 and part of a "Spend $15, get $5 in Extra Care Bucks)

used 4 $1.50 off coupons and the $10 in Extra Care Bucks from the previous transaction

Total out of pocket=$2.84

...and I still have $5 in extra care bucks to use

It was more out of pocket than we usually spend at CVS, but we also were buying lots of toilet paper---which is not cheap in stores!  We've started to only buy toilet paper at CVS & only when it's a part of an extra care buck deal because the prices are much better.

BOTW & Waiting on baby....

My bargain of the week from last week is a simple one.  As I didn't do much shopping other than stopping to pick up butter for $1.99 and peanut butter for .99 from Hy-Vee (also bargains of the week!), my favorite deal has to be the Chipotle burrito I enjoyed that same night.

I'm a rice/beans/cheese kind of gal when it comes to my favorite burrito toppings--which almost always means a reduced charge.  I have never, however, gotten my burrito for this cheap.  I give you the .89 burrito :)  (and yes, it looks like it is coming out of my face...)  There seems to be no rhyme or reason to how we are charged for this burrito, but I'll take .89 ANY day. 

In other news, we are waiting on baby.  I'm 10 days away from my due date and feeling it.  We've had several "oh these contractions might be real and we might end up in the hospital" moments---but no such luck.  Truth be told, I'm physically exhausted, but also really content waiting on the baby.  I'd prefer a delivery on a Thursday or Friday to maximize my husband's time off...and we're really enjoying our time as a family of three.  Each extra day is helping us get one more odd project done, run one last errand, enjoy one last night of solid sleep & be able to take off and only have ONE kiddo to keep track of.

So we are preparing in the midst of our waiting----stocking up on Lucy's snacks, household essentials & coffee and soda for those first few weeks.  We're putting finishing details on the baby's room, keeping up on laundry/cleaning & re-organizing little areas throughout our house.  We ran several errands yesterday and I'm hoping that with the exception of a quick run to the grocery store this week, we'll be set for awhile.

We're all anxious to meet this next baby---but I also want to be intentional about not wishing away these last several days with Lucy. 

BOTW & 37 weeks

So, my best deal this week is NOT diapers or wipes :)  Last week Lucy and I needed some fresh air so we ran a few errands and stopped by the mall to take a look at the Gymboree clearance.  I had a 20% off coupon, but wasn't sure I'd find much.  I managed to find four shirts (some for Lucy/some for baby) & a zip up hooded sweatshirt.  My total was set to be $20 for all 5 items when I remembered that I had a $5 off rewards coupon in my email that I hadn't printed.  Shocker!  (I've been very forgetful lately...)  I asked the sales lady about it and she let me pull my email up on my phone and then typed in the code!

All in all my total was around $16 for all 5 items :)  Who says name brand kids clothes have to be expensive?

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Also last week we reached the 37 week mark.  The doctor checked me and called me 25% effaced with a closed cervix.  However, I had been checked at the hospital at 33 weeks and they called me "about a "1" then...so, since it doesn't really matter, I'm sticking with the "1" :) We are all still expecting a 9lb + baby...which, despite not looking forward to giving birth to a baby of that size, I personally find chubby babies are a bit cuter when born...of course, I might be a little partial :)

The consistent contractions I had been having seemed to have stopped the last few days--not sure if that's the "calm before the storm" or an indication that we are in for the long haul, but I'd prefer not to be having contractions unless they are serving a purpose.

Otherwise, I'm really trying to focus my energy on enjoying this last little bit of time just with Lucy.  As I told my husband last night, she'll never again be my "only child"....and this time is special.  I need to not wish it away out of physical discomfort, but treasure each day and moment that I can just focus on her.

A job well done...

I've spoken often about how fond I am of cooking meals (and meal components) ahead of time and filling our freezer up with them.  It has saved our family time in meal prep, kept us from grabbing fast food on a few occassions & saved me time in kitchen clean-up. 


My sweet husband bagging up hamburger meat to freeze

 In months past, I have just made a list of our cooking plans and we've went and purchased all necessary ingredients that we didn't already have--this put our grocery spending fairly high those times...which still wasn't a huge issue as our regular groceries run under $40 a week.  This time I tried to be a little more intentional in my planning.  I have watched the grocery ads for the last 6 weeks and worked in any sale items that I know would be used for freezer cooking into our regular grocery spending--this worked great and still kept our grocery spending below $40 a week.  After checking out our pantry and freezer inventories, making our list & shopping, our total for additional items needed to pull this all off was probably under $60--fantastic in my book!

We tried a few new recipes this month & focused more on meal components (due to space) than actual meals.  (Example: cooking up chicken ahead of time and seasoning it to go over cooked pasta which will need to be cooked at a later time.)  The lasagna still needs to be assembled and baked & the potatoes still need to be shredded for hashbrowns, but otherwise we are finished---and with much more than I planned on! 

  

Lucy "helping" with enchiladas



 I had created a pretty ambitious list as we were planning on having an extra set of hands to help us out--but winter weather prevented that from happening and we were all bummed...mostly Lucy, I'm sure, as she was looking forward to an additional adult that would sneak her some snacks :)  Despite not having the extra set of hands, a few hours where I was timing contractions & debating a second trip to the hospital & a random illness that took my husband down...there are enough meals/meal components in our freezer for 44 dinners/weekend lunches!   (weekend lunch options being frozen chicken burritos/pizza pockets!)  Once the lasagna is cooked and divided into dinner portions, that number should rise to 47!  My goal had been to have about 3 meals a week for the next 10 weeks that I could pull from the freezer--I'm much happier with the higher number :)

Fantastic!

Here's what we've got:

Pans of Enchiladas x 3



Whole Wheat Subs with Chicken, bacon, cheese x 10 (5 meals)---(we grill these and they turn out like panini sandwiches)

Pepperoni Pizza Pockets & Hamburger Pizza Pockets x 19 (about 6 meals worth)

BBQ Beef Roast x 2

BBQ Brisket x2

Taco Meat x 6

Hamburger meat + Bacon for Bacon-Cheeseburger roll-up x3

Seasoned chicken (to go over pasta) x2

Fajita chicken (cooked and seasoned for burritos, quesadillas, tacos, etc..) x 5

Hamburger meat cooked for Chili x1

Hamburger meat cooked for Pizza Casserole x1



Dump Chicken: Chili Maple Glazed Chicken x1

Dump Chicken: Honey Glazed Chicken x 1

Frozen Burritos x 12 (about 6 meals worth)

Other:
Freshly Grated bags of cheese x 9
Smoothies x 5

Pancakes x 28

Blueberry Pancakes x 17

Smoothies

We have the makings of many more meals in our pantry/fridge/freezer that will fill in the gaps when I'm not pulling a freezer meal out--but we are so delighted to have one less thing to worry about in the next several weeks!