Our children were not "planned" part 3

This is part 3...you can read parts 1 & 2 by simply scrolling down...

But, money does factor in.  We live in a society with emphasis on responsibility…and we very much want to be “responsible.”  But what does that really mean?  As my husband and I process through the idea of future children/family planning….money is always the issue.  I’m perplexed….because I hear the commandment “be fruitful and multiply” & yet it’s as if there’s a “when your bank account is full” that is now attached to that statement.  We consider families big when there are three or more children, we tell people not to have children until they can “afford” them (what does that even mean?  Can I afford a child if I can feed them….or dress them in designer clothes…or fully fund their education?) we* laugh when someone announces a pregnancy while still nursing a baby & we encourage people to wait several years before “trying” for a family.  Is any of this wrong?

I don’t know.  I truly don’t.  I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel a little uneasy about some of it. Have we as a christian community somehow gotten it “wrong”?  Have we lost sight of the idea that “children are a blessing from God”?

**I use “we” because I lump myself into the group that does these things.  Even with all my questions…I probably am the most hypocritical person ever.  Just sayin’…

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We had one positive pregnancy test as soon as we physically stopped trying to prevent (sure, we could have gotten pregnant while using the pill…but I believe God wanted us to take that step of obedience.)  We had another positive pregnancy test while preventing pregnancy….but also praying for God’s will in that area.  Right now?  Right now I simply don’t know. 

The one thing I know for sure is that our children were planned.  Planned by God…ordained to be with us at this very moment in time.  They were welcomed with great anticipation & love…and are celebrated every day in our lives.  Our future children, Lord willing, will be no different.  Even if our financial situation never changes, I pray to God that I will welcome every child with the same, if not more, anticipation and joy….and appreciation for His timing. 

This is where I sit…wrestling in my heart.  As my husband and I pray through all of this, we’re met with the reality that financially and worldly speaking, another child would be “irresponsible” at this point.

 On the other hand, we’re faced with the undeniable truth that God has had perfect timing with our children and set into motion a beautiful faith journey and legacy.  We battled through some tough stuff in our marriage the first year or so…and having a baby girl on the way made us more committed than ever.  Would we have made it through without a baby on the way?  Probably...but I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God has used our children to stretch us & push us so far out of our comfort zone into the unknown...and into His arms.   Learning to trust in God’s timing and providence has been (and probably will be) a daily…if not hourly…battle for us for the rest of our lives….and He has used our pregnancies and our children to push us into deep intimacy with Him.  For us, that is worth any worldly sacrifice we may have had to make.

Thanks for allowing me to process…this is an area that my husband and I are always in prayer over.  I don’t have the answers…I just have loads of question…and hopefully equal amounts of trust.  This is just me sharing the wrestling of my heart over this issue....

questions?  comments?  concerns?  email me at rachelonrewind at gmail.com