Where I've been...

I’ve been…absent.

Truth be told, it’s been an interesting and life-changing few months.  While I desperately wanted to blog and share our journey, the right words never seem to fit.  You’ll remember this post when I shared how we were translating the “love others” message into our own lives.  Shortly thereafter we received a call.  We were not ready to be called (quite literally---we hadn’t finished our paperwork even & our spare room was still very much a storage closet)  Yet, three days later we welcomed a new friend into our home & became parents to a 17 year old, a few months away from being out on her own.  It felt crazy…I’m sure it appears crazy…and yet, it also felt like this is EXACTLY what we were supposed to be doing. 

“The room isn’t ready, we don’t have a mattress, our bank account is already empty, she’s seventeen, I don’t feel well…”

(I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that I found out I was pregnant the morning we picked our new friend up. )

But, we still said yes.  We rented a storage unit and emptied her room in rapid speed.  We had a mattress within hours of posting the need on facebook.  We stepped out in faith.

With a preschooler & toddler at home & a baby in the belly---we’ve been on the fastest learning curve ever for raising a teenager.  We navigated school, relationship issues, behaviors, planning for the future—and have moved on to helping her find an apartment, furnish it & enroll in college.  To say it’s been a whirlwind few months is an understatement.  To say it’s been easy & fun would be a lie.

She has been a great addition to our family---our children adore her and she is sweet & kind.  And yet, there are frustrations, and differences in personalities & history that we didn’t create & cannot fix.  There is a future we must help prepare her for & so little time to feel like we can adequately equip her the way we were equipped by our parents.  And so again, we step out in faith…and pray a lot.  At the end of the day, we have to trust that somewhere down the road something we have said will have stuck---and not because they are words of our mouth, but that they are God’s truth. 

I’m a parent of 2 (almost 3) & yet I feel like I’ve “grown up” in the last few months.  A few years ago I was touring apartments & learning about lease terms & deposits with my mom by my side and now I’m in the driver’s seat at these appointments asking the questions a parent asks.  And it stings.  Things are not as they ought to be.

And yet, in the midst of the pain & frustration we have seen beauty like never before.  Our church community and friends have blessed us (really our new friend) in ways that have humbled me and brought me to tears.  When I mentioned a need for clothing we had bags of nice clothing immediately brought to us.  When I put out a request to help furnish an apartment, many came forward with items they no longer needed.  When a friend asked me in a parking lot one night how things were going---she blessed me in a way I don’t think she even could have realized…allowing me to share what it has really been like.  When my husband’s car bit the dust for good, a family in our church loaned us a car as we work to make other arrangements.  And when we had a new family member, they were greeted as if they had always been a part of our family….and that was perhaps the biggest blessing of all.

As I mentioned earlier, we discovered we were pregnant a few hours before we met our new friend.  I’ve been sick, tired, moody x 3.  Part of it is third pregnancy, part of it is added stress, part of it is no real time to rest with two little ones and a bigger kiddo with a full schedule.  We are about out of the first trimester and I’m hoping to feel much better in a few weeks.  I’m taking B-6 3x a day & Zofran as a back-up.  Things could be much worse & we are so thankful for this sweet baby that we will meet in June.

There have been many times in the last few months that I have questioned why God would bring this opportunity before us.  And then I ask why things continue to go wrong (broken car, dryer, messed up bills, etc..)   Why?  Why now?  Why us?  I don’t have answers…though some of it is pretty straightforward.  Kids need homes.  While we don’t have excess income & each month is a bit of a struggle---we DO have an extra bedroom & the knowledge to care for another child.  Why now?  Because there is never going to be a perfect time--we will likely never have “enough” money, “enough” time, “enough” energy.  The “why us?”---I’ll never have an answer there.  I feel so ill-equipped to be a parent and handle raising my biological children that I will never understand why we feel so strongly that God has asked us to do this right now.  All I know is there is no way we would have made it this far if operating under our own strength.

There can be beauty in the brokenness…. And if our new friend only leaves with learning one thing from us, I hope that is it.

preschool at home?

We're busy.  Just like everyone else out there.  I'm gearing up for the start of MOPS, amongst other activities we are involved in.  We're plugging away to prepare our home for the final step in the process of receiving our license to do foster care.  Oh yeah....and we're rasising two active kids.

And for one of those kiddos, we'll be "officially" starting preschool at home in less than two weeks.  I say officially because, really, we've been doing a lot of activities that would fall into "preschool at home"---we're just going to be even more intentional in a few weeks. 



She is humming into the water bottle
while banging the pop bottles together

A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the International MOPS Convention in Dallas, TX.  I left feeling so rejuvenated & so excited to be more purposeful in my time with my children.  The days are looooooooooong, but the years are short.  A mentor mom shared this a few years back when I just had one baby---and I felt in over my head at that point.  "yeah, the days ARE long," I thought to myself.  Now there are two precious kiddos making messes in our home---and I see just how true that is.  Whoa, I have a three year old?





Doing preschool at home really wasn't my first choice, I'll be honest.  Due to a series of events--preschool or Parent's day out options, were just not...options. I found myself in the position of wanting to be really purposeful in my time at home with both my kids, but especially with Lucy.  She has such a curious personality & creative imagination.  I want to help her explore that.  I want to provide opportunities for her to ask questions, figure out her world & develop new skills---all while learning her abc's and 123's.  (which, she already knows...some in spanish... thanks to a spunky little girl with an adorable backpack ;)

picking tomatoes in a
ballet costume

  We are using the "Before Five in a Row" model. Lucy has become such a lover of books---and I want to embrace that and encourage it as MUCH as I can. I love that this isn't a "typical" way to do pre-school...and I love that it's all about laying the foundation for a love of learning. There are so many ideas online to go with each of the books they suggest and it has helped me think outside of the box in terms of other books we read and how to integrate fun activities with them.   I plan to do a lot more hands on activities with her because it suits her style of learning so much better. 

We are setting some goals to help us have some good direction (like, we want to read 50 new books between now and the end of the 2012, we want to officially potty-train, we want to finish the first book in the "Little House" series, etc..we have about 15 on our list for these first few months)

The point is, I'm trying to tap into the way SHE learns. I want it to be FUN. She's three, so if we're not feeling a particular activity that day, we'll move on. And I think the Before Five in a Row---along with lots of other activities and some parks & rec activities, will make for a really fun year of "preschool at home"

 
 
 
 
 
I hope to blog about our journey, but I'm not so good at keeping promises in that department.  we'll see...



shopping at wal-mart

a dog balloon, of course!

We've been testing the potty-training waters for a few months now.  Lucy is a trooper.  When we first tested her for readiness, she did really awesome.  Then I came down sick and the hard work went out the window.  Rinse & repeat circumstances for the subsequent months, only replace the situation with "Jack came down sick", "husband started new job", "daughter developed strong will".

I've never been one to be too concerned about it, honestly.  As my mother in law would say, "she won't go to Kindergarten in diapers."  Anyways, while we have mostly mastered #1, #2 is elusive...it seeems.  We've tried offering every type of reward known...and I do mean EVERYTHING.  Last I checked we were working on earning a princess watch---next thing I knew, she really wanted a "doggy balloon".  Sure, who doesn't?

So, while out shopping with my mom and sister yesterday, an excited little girl got to call me "mommy!  I poo-poo in potty!  Get me doggy balloon?????"  Sure, kid....we've all earned it.

don't tell Lucy, we've told her the balloon says "congrats on going poo-poo in the potty like a big girl!"

The First Four Years.

"there are several newlyweds headed off for their honeymoon here today."

I smiled. 

"that was us almost four years ago."

we both smiled.

I had just returned home from a weekend away in Dallas.  My husband with our two kids in tow was anxiously awaiting my arrival---complete with "Welcome Home Mommy" signs.  I bolted off the plane, just as anxious to see the two kids I had left---and perhaps moreso---the husband I hadn't spent more than a night apart from in four years.

Four years ago we were one of those starry-eyed couples preparing for our departure to our honeymoon destination.  Now here he was picking me up with two children....and we were the ones noticing the enormous amounts of couples departing to the many tropical locations, dreaming big of their future to come.

Four years.  FOUR YEARS.  We spent our anniversary night strolling around a school supply store and the library (don't worry, we'll celebrate when we have a babysitter this weekend)---four years.

Two babies, a new home, new job, new struggles, new successes...

We aren't the starry-eyed couple we were that day in the airport.  We're aware of struggle, hardship & what it means to make marriage work... (to the extent that we can at our young marriage age...)  But I am more in love with the man that God blessed me with than I was that day I committed myself to him forever.  (And, for the record I always thought that was so cliche....and now....now I know better). 

This weekend when I was away I was reminded of just how thankful I am for my husband.  It feels rare in this day to hear women share positive stories of their husbands and I count myself lucky to be able to be one of those women. 

Happy Anniversary, my love.

We are nesting again...

I’m a planner.  You likely wouldn’t assume this about me if you spent the day in my home and felt the level of disorganization going on that I have felt recently, but, I am a planner.  In my two pregnancies I managed to “nest” almost the entire duration.  There were needs to anticipate, closets to organize, things to label, walls to be washed & laundry room floors that needed to be mopped….again and again.

I’m nesting again.  Only, I’m not pregnant…..but we are expecting a child/children.

When I was in the 6^th grade, my parents opened up their home and took in 3 of our relatives for a short time.  I’ve always admired that my mom willingly took on three more children (pre-teens/teens at that!) when she already had 3 pre-teen/teens to raise.  I shared my bedroom and my parent’s attention.  And while I’m sure we all fought…often…I have really fond memories from that year. 

Fast forward to about five years ago when I started working at a private foster care agency in their admissions department….where I also met my husband.  For 2 ½ years I spent every day calling foster homes in search of placement for children that were brand new to custody or just in need of a new foster home.  It was always a mixture of somber and wonderful feelings all at the same time.  Here I was working to locate placements for children out of their home---and at the same time talking with some wonderful foster families who willingly took extra children into their home.

My husband and I have known that foster care and (possibly) adoption would be a part of our future families...before we were even a family. For my husband, he would have been ready the day after we said "I do," but while I wanted to do this---I needed to make the choice to do this. I always would say things like "someday we want to do foster care/adopt/help kids in need...when our kids are older/out of the home/less need...when we have more money/a bigger home/a larger car/a set schedule"

 A new job has allowed for a little extra money in the budget, but the other “when we_______’s” are still there.  So why now?  Because I believe that Jesus was serious when He told us to love our neighbors, care for orphans (even temporary ones), to love others….and all that stuff on mercy/justice/and grace…..you get the idea.  We have an extra bedroom and space in both our home and heart to do this.  And while we could wait for a bigger home/more money/when our kids are older….I think we’d be missing the point.  I think we’re all called to care about children in foster care & orphans….this is the way we feel led to “answer” this call in our lives.

We are about halfway through our training and we anticipate receiving our license as early as mid-September!  In the meantime, we are “nesting”.  We are purging our closets (& our hearts), praying, anticipating needs, stalking every thrift store in a 30- mile radius to find really nice furniture & misc supplies and purchasing loads of school supplies at cheap prices….in the event we take in a child in October and all of a sudden notebooks that were .17 in July are about $100 more than that.  We are preparing our home to pass an inspection…which means fixing that silly handrail on the steps that lead to our garage, locking up all of our medicines and cleaning supplies & finding a way to store our ammunition separate from our guns.  (kidding, no guns in this home!!)

Some people I’m sure think we are a little crazy…I feel a little crazy!  But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would rather be dubbed “crazy” than “complacent.”

 Please don’t get the wrong idea about these children!  They are not damaged….they are fearfully and wonderfully made.  And while some of them may be coming from the terrible situations you hear on the news---I’d say many of them just need a temporary place to stay while their parents receive some support to get things back on track.  We want to be that temporary place of shelter….and that support that encourages both sides.  Also, please know that we don’t consider ourselves special…quite the opposite actually.  We merely feel like we are taking a step of obedience.

I share this with all of you because we would love it if you would pray with us, for us & for the potential children and families we will have the privilege of working with.  I’d also like to share some of our “anticipated needs” in the event that you might have a “friend of a friend of a friend who is trying to sell her kitchen table”----I’ve been camping out at consignment stores like it’s my job and have managed to take care of some of these items---but it can’t hurt to spread the word!

Our needed wishlist:

-our most pressing need is for a minivan.  Our car can hold maybe one more person?  But certainly not if that person is needing to occupy a carseat.  Our SUV is paid off and we have been on the hunt for a reasonably priced minivan that can get us all from point a to point b…reliably. 

-twin beds, dressers (you know, the type of furniture you would need if a child 0-18 came to live with you) We have the usual baby items---and an extra crib at our disposal.

-sheet sets & bedding items (those spiderman sheets your son is no longer interested in?  maybe we might have use for them!) 

-clothing (this is one obviously can’t be worked with ahead of time)

-a kitchen table  (ours currently seats 3, we are on the hunt for a table that will seat at least 6)

-books, games, puzzles (items that span various age ranges)

-advice.  I KNOW there will be points where we have a child and I’m all of a sudden “oh my stars, what on earth do teenagers like to read/eat/watch?” or “I all of a sudden have a child who is totally into twilight---someone give me cliff notes, stat!”  be prepared J

purging

"Where have I substituted the American Dream for God's Kingdom?"--Jen Hatmaker, "7"

A little over two years ago my husband and I packed our belongings and moved into our cozy "new" home. At 1200 sq feet, it looks and sounds smaller than most homes in our area.  But looks can be deceiving and as you step inside you'll quickly notice there is more space than what that curb appeal first led you to believe.  There are three bedrooms (4 if you count the finished attic space that we've filled with our junk in the past two years).  There is a garage that isn't big enough to accomodate a car, but it holds our oversized chest freezer & ride-on toys quite nicely.  There is no basement, no over-sized laundry room, no walk-in closets that should be bedrooms themselves & no "extra" storage.  The grass is dead because we're in a drought and I refuse to spend money watering my lawn when I'm being asked to conserve water.

Two years ago there was PLENTY of space for us.  When all the boxes had landed we couldn't believe how much space we had!  (You should know we were moving from an 800 sq foot apartment at the time and had just one child).  Things feel a little cramped these days with the addition of another child and enough children's clothes to outfit an entire village filling up our attic.  This leads me to wanting more.  more storage.  more bedrooms.  more space.  And as a result, more stuff to fill all that extra space.

It is a vicious cycle.  It's gross. 

What happens when I have more?  If the past serves as a good indicator...I'll probably just want more.

I live in a country that tells me by certain standards (and federal poverty guidelines) that I am "somewhat poor".  The sickening part is that I actually believe it.  And in the meantime I can load my children into our SUV and drive to the doctor where they will receive the proper immunizations.  We'll head to the store where I will be able to purchase food to cook for dinner that night.  We will enter our home that is cooled to a nice 72 degrees and has indoor plumbing.  We'll drink water straight from the tap because it's safe & bathe our children in warm water.  We'll go to our individual bedrooms at the end of the night after watching TV and we'll sleep in wonderfully comfortable beds....with the only real danger of going through life so unaware that we don't recognize just how rich we are.

We've been slowly taking steps in our lives to make intentional changes, to take intentional steps on how we live & how we love others.  Last weekend we loaded up 7 trashbags full of our adult-sized clothes and dropped them off at a local thrift store.  This was HUGE....and yet it barefully scratched the surface at the same time.  We're in the process of "making room" in our home for some things I'll share later (no, not pregnant!) & there is no choice but to reduce.  After appreciating the fact that our home had a master bedroom with two closets for the past two years, we simply decided we didn't need our own closets full of clothing & shoes, most of which probably were not worn that often anyway.  So we reduced.  we combined. 

Right now we live in this "in-between."  We want so desperately to rebel against these lies we are told day after day & engage in a radically different lifestyle.  One that is content to live in a 1200 sq ft home & still fill it up with the wonderful sound of children.  We want to reduce, reduce, reduce so that there is actually room in our heart and in our home for the Gospel to truly take hold of our hearts and really bear fruit in our lives. 

Purging our closets is symbolic to the deeper purging we must do in our hearts on a continual basis.  What thoughts, attitudes, actions or behaviors are not of the Lord?  Purge them.  Where am I substituting my attitude of "I'm owed this for all my___________"  Purge it.  Where have I allowed anger and resentment to clog the communication lines in a relationship?  Where has discontentment robbed me from recognizing what God desires for me right now? Where am I allowing selfishness to keep me from loving others the way Jesus instructed us to do?  Where am I allowing my own thoughts to water down the message and instruction of the Gospel?  Where have I become so blind in my "first world problems", that I fail to see real problems all around me?  Purge, purge, purge it all.....

"I have simply said, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk & more of You and Your Kingdom."  I will reduce, so He can increase."-Jen Hatmaker, "7"

amen.


*****side note---I wrote this post last weekend and continued to digest all of these thoughts.  There's a balancing act we all must carefully walk & figure out when less is more....and when it truly is just not enough.  We are making some radical changes in our lives in which having a larger space/more bedrooms/etc could be of great value---and not just for pure consumption.  There are other times when I want that "new, bigger, more expensive" item....just because.  I want to recognize need vs want and teach my kids the proper relationship as well.  I want to model behavior that teaches responsible spending---and that just because I can afford something, doesn't mean I need it.  It's a tight-rope walk that I haven't even come close to mastering.  I'm not even sure most days I know HOW.  But I'm open to the discussion of it---to the continual analysis of my heart in relationship to material items, my home & my bank acocunt.  All I can pray for is a teachable spirit.*****

and so it ends...

On Sunday I handwashed my last load of flats and covers as part of the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge.

Two things I now know...

1.  I never want to have to handwash another load of any type of clothing...

2.  But, if I had to for the safety and health of my children & to make sure we could put food on our table, I totally would!

The problem I see is that there is little awareness out there about cloth diapers.  There is no major media coverage showcasing what used to be such a natural way of life.  Whether it be the modern style of cloth diapering and the super cute brands like Bum Genius or what I just challenged myself to last week with the "old style" of flats and modern covers, we need to get more awareness.  People of all income levels need to know that this IS a way they could diaper their child and it's not gross and scary like many think.  Frankly, while handwashing wasn't fun---I'd almost rather do that then load my two children under the age of three in the car to head to Wal-Mart, to unload them into a cart at the store, to purchase an overpriced package of diapers that will just be thrown away, to load them back into the car....you get the idea. 

Last week was tough.  Handwashing is hard.  This challenge took it to the extreme to show that this could be a viable option for those really struggling with no access to a washing machine.  To try and get more into what that would be like, I experimented with using old receiving blankets and flour sack towels from wal-mart.  Both worked just fine, though I do prefer my Diaper Rite flats (which if purchased on sale, are only a few cents more).

This challenge made me realize I could handwash, but made me thankful that I have a choice.  Everytime I worked on figuring out a new fold, I wished that there was a wealth of cloth diaper knowledge being passed down to me.  My mother cloth-diapered and when we first showed my parents modern cloth diapers, they were both a little shocked.  But, after giving my dad a flat, he remembered how to fold one in no time!  But, I wish I knew how my grandmothers & even great-grandmothers did it.  I didn't grow up knowing my grandmothers as both had passed away long before I was out of diapers---but I'd like to think if they were around, they'd be showing me how to fold them and telling me stories of how they used to do it.  Moments like these make me realize I'm missing a bit of that legacy....did they bake homemade bread like I'm attempting to learn how to do?  Handwash their clothing?  Make their own baby food?  I'm not sure I'll ever know---and that makes me a little sad.  My mother is full of wisdom and has passed down much of that to me, but how neat would it be to show my 90 year old grandmother cloth diapers with prints of them?  Monkeys on a diaper?!  What a hoot!  :)

Today my washing machine is running and I will be washing my "easy" pocket diapers and all-in-ones that I have come to appreciate more post-challenge.  The plunger and bucket have been retired to the garage for now and a new set of flats is on its way to me---because I've always loved flats, but I have a newfound appreciation for their simplicity.