back on the wagon

I've missed two days in a row.  Let me catch you up.

If I had posted Wednesday, it would have read somewhere along the lines of:

"dear friends from MOPS,

Thank you so much for helping me get my screaming toddler into the car today.  By you taking my son (who was in his carseat), I was able to wrangle the toddler and save her from running into the parking lot.  So thankful for you all."

"dear middle-aged woman at craft store that was not wrangling two children under the age of two.

Yes, "god bless my heart" indeed.  And thank you so very much for knowing that I too had been driving around town to find that product only to find it at THIS store.  The fact that you grabbed it and bought the last one while my toddler reached for yet another glass item made me sort of want to punch you in the face....but I'm a little classier than that."

Thursday would have read something like this:

still royally ticked off at the lady from the craft store.  the nerve.....in retrospect, I'm wondering why I didn't tell my daughter to bite her.  Did I mention she started biting recently?  The toddler, not the lady from the craft store....though I suppose she could be a biter since she did snatch the last item on the shelf even though she didn't have two children to drag to YET ANOTHER STORE.


As for today....

My husband had the "day" off.  He's working this evening, but we were able to run errands this afternoon.  After two different craft store visits, I'm happy to report I found the over-priced item I was in need of.  Let the homeade gift-making commence!

Oh yes, we decided this year we would try the "homeade" route.  With minimal sewing skills---and no real ideas on what I'd even sew--I've opted for all gifts that don't involve sewing.  Somehow the homeade gifts are turning out far more expensive....ahem.  Either way, I've nearly finished FIVE whole gifts tonight....which would be amazing except for the fact that we are making multiple gifts per person.

Did I mention we leave to go out of town in a week to spend Thanksgiving with the in-laws and swap those gifts?  It'll happen.

One more thing...

dear lady from the craft store, I'm sorry.  I've moved on.  I don't know what was going on in your day and you had every right to that item.  I apologize for the terrible glances I shot your way.

sincerely,

lady with the two screaming kids.

Breastfeeding won't earn me a spot in Heaven & having an epidural won't keep me out...

I’ve been absent lately…or for the last month…but who is counting? I’d make excuses, but there’s no need. My family needs me---and that right there is why my computer gets left closed sometimes for days in a row lately. (Thank goodness for an iphone that still allows me to be “plugged” in for email & facebook while nursing Jack..)

I’d love to say it’s been just peachy here & that we are all well rested and adjusting to a new family member quite well. But that wouldn’t be true, and exhaustion just somehow forces honesty in me…so to be quite candid, it’s been chaos here for the last month.

Total chaos.

We are living in a home that looks like laundry (and my pantry) threw up in it, dealing with a baby who may have colic, reflux or both, trying to love on a toddler who is entering that independent & defiant stage, struggling to find time to nurture our marriage, working on plans to deal with financial burdens, hoping for rest & healing for Jack & myself and mostly just trying to “survive.”

I desire for my husband to be greeted by happy kids, a picked up home & a put-together wife. But most days I’m passing one (or both) kids off in order to clean puke off myself or wipe fresh “mom tears” from my face. Thankfully, he doesn’t have set expectations like I do…or if he does, he isn’t sharing them with me. J

But that brings me back to the point of this post. I, like my most mothers, have to fight against the comparison game every single day. Most of the time I win that battle, because quite frankly, my husband and I are convinced that we are parenting in the ways we know best. But exhaustion sets in & I quickly find myself frustrated, discouraged & often angry that I don’t have it all together, that nursing is a harder road for us than some, that my kids have no idea what a “schedule” is, that I can’t seem to love my husband well “enough”, that my daughter has spent more time watching Word World in the last month than I’ve spent reading books with her, & that despite my best attempts---I’m not, and never will be, June-stinkin’- Cleaver.

And so I fold. Or that’s at least my metaphor at the moment, and honestly, a common theme in my blogging. And not in a “I give up” sort of way, but in a “I’m going to be REAL honest and admit that I can’t do it all, & shouldn’t even try” sort of way. Part of that is recognizing that when I attempt to love my husband & my children relying solely on my own strength that I fail miserably…the other part is knowing that God is faithful to not just help me “survive” through these days…but really thrive through these days.

So, when I see the box of unopened Easter Egg dye because Mommy had an “Oh! Easter is TOMORROW???” moment, or my daughter’s laundry basket full of pj’s only because we never got into “real” clothes at all last week, or when I painfully follow the doctor’s advice and lay my screaming kid down in his crib just so I can have a break….

I remind myself that I’m not being compared in His eyes to the mom down the street that can “do it all.”

I remind myself that my husband loves me, whether or not I’m covered in spit up.

I remind myself that my daughter won’t remember whether or not we dyed easter eggs when she was 21 months old.

I remind myself that I’ll be a better mom when I lay my son down and “take a break”

I remind myself that, it’s ok to cry….and it’s even more ok to be totally real about a situation.

But mostly, I’m working really hard to remind myself that His grace is the ONLY way my husband and I are going to be successful in marriage & successful as parents.


And that might be the hardest reminder of all.

and if I can't finish the first one, what hope is there for the next?

baby books.

I have a love/hate relationship with them. I had great aspirations of documenting each pregnancy/ first year of my children's lives with great detail & photos.

I have a belly book that is almost finished (from Lucy's pregnancy, no less) & her baby book has about 1/4 of the pages written on. I couldn't tell you exactly the date she rolled over (though that's on video), sat up, started crawling, walking, got her first tooth, etc.... I have approximate time frames, but for the life of me, I'm not one of those moms.

Enter Plan B.

I cheated. I totally just assembled photos of Lucy's first year into a photo book. I'm hoping to write out little notes about each month and attach at a later date....but if that never happens, at least I have a photo book documenting her first year.

With Baby #2 we're going to try hanging a calendar in the nursery and documenting milestones there--then I can have it all ready to go when I order a photo book documenting their first year.