choosing to be "whole"

"They would never even know."  I reasoned with myself.

"They make millions of dollars off people like you everyday, what's an extra $5 to them anyways?"

That voice taunted me as I pushed my cart through the local supercenter to return two bottles of laundry detergent that I had picked up the day before.  Another store had them on sale and I had chosen to price match to get them each $2.50 cheaper.  Problem was, I picked up the wrong kind.

These would need to be returned and I knew without showing my receipt, I would be granted full price in return....which would give me a $5 profit.  It was tempting.....incredibly tempting.

I tossed my bottles up on the customer service desk and swiftly handed over my receipt.  The cashier scanned the items and actually attempted to refund me the full sale price.

"Actually, I price matched those items, so I only paid $5.99 for them."

I did it.  In that moment when I could have let my weakness, my selfishness, my sinfulness take over.....I (through God's grace ALONE) was able to choose to be integral, to choose to be whole.

I've been learning a lot about this lately----and even when I think I'm doing well, opportunities like this present themselves in which "no one would know"---and I have to choose, to honor the God I say I love and to obey and be holy like He has called me to be.

We all have those moments, and I don't always get it right.

Today, I'm thankful I did.

Husband said what?

I mentioned the other day of being without new clothing items and living day to day in the husband's sweats.  They are practical, comfy & hey...if I'm changing my clothes every time I get spit up on, I'd prefer it not be something "nice". 

I think the clothing rut and my own personal appearance "rut" go hand in hand.  Most days I shower with an infant in a bouncy seat right outside the shower and my toddler coming in and out opening the door to tell me "hello", "wove you", "see you ater", "buh-bye".....literally....about 50 times in one 5 minute shower.

And that's if I'm lucky.  Some days my toddler will strip down and climb on in because she loves to play in the water. 

So my shower time is short and sweet and my personal prep time if we're just going to be around the home or running short errands is about the same length.

But, the other day I was feeling up to the challenge of blow-drying & straightening my hair AND applying make-up, just to sit at home. And so I did.....

...and then I waited for the moment my husband would burst through the door and comment on the fact that I looked "so beautiful" & "wow, I can see you really put some time into getting ready today!"

He arrived home and nothing.  So I tossed my hair to the side in a "do you notice anything different?" sort of manner....

And in the most sincere tone he responded, "something is different....Oh, did you wash your hair today?"

Fail.

I returned to the ponytail the following day.

(after my sister in law left her comment, I thought I ought to edit this real quick as I realized this post makes my husband sound terrible!  I SHOULD have made it known that my husband prefers the "comfy" look to the "all dressed up" look and that after guessing wrong the first time, he nailed it with "you straightened your hair!"  He's a wonderful...WONDERFUL man who makes it clear that he finds me beautiful...ponytail and all)  :)

share before you bear.

(also known as day 4)

It's short and sweet today.

I spent the morning catching up with my dear friend---my sister, really, we just have different mothers....but I KNOW we were meant to be sisters. 

Anyways, I look forward to these chats...mostly because of the many people I know in life, she is one of the very few that I can let go of pride and just lay my junk out there and say "yeah, I'm struggling.  I'm messed up.  I blew it this week.  I'm impatient.  I'm finding it hard to trust God."

And we all need that.  We need to be able to share our struggles, temptations, failures & burdens with others that can pray for us, encourage us, come alongside us---and admit that they don't have it all together either.

It's a humbling process.  But if we are to "bear one another's burdens", then we have to be willing to share those burdens first.

So today, today I'm thankful for the ability to share.....and to "bear"

Thanks for the chat, friend.

miss you.

It happened.... (day 3)

I like to shop.

I enjoy new things.

I appreciate the feeling of nice clothing on my body & expensive make-up on my face.

Back when I was enjoying these new items on someone else's dime (I was in college and my parents were generous!) & when I was a single person with "extra" cash in the budget, I indulged myself....often.

Enter marriage, babies & a drastically different budget and the days of purchasing a new item are long gone.  Truthfully, giving up shopping for nice/new things never even bothered me.  They weren't needs, just wants....and what we "need" is every possible penny going towards making ends meet.  Besides, since we discovered we were expecting three months after the "I dos", maternity clothes had to be purchased...and then kids clothes.....and then the heat bill needed to be paid....

Somewhere along the line, my favorite Banana Republic jeans got replaced with maternity jeans will the large stretchy panel.  My favorite shoes were given away because my feet actually grew AFTER having children. Flattering sweaters and shirts have long been tucked away to make room for clothes to nurse in & in sizes that fit the "I've had two babies in less than two years" figure.  Where my favorite Victoria's Secret credit card once held a spot in my wallet you'll now find a coupon for .50 off flour tucked away instead.

And it's ok, truthfully, because through this whole evolution I understand needs versus wants.  I understand that we need food on the table & that I want a pair of jeans that fit (without the maternity panel).  I understand that my kids need clothes, shoes & immunizations & that I want to replace the items that read "maternity clothes" with items that fit and don't leave others questioning, "is she?  again?!  so soon?!"

I understand that no amount of "losing the baby weight" will ever get me back to my "pre-pregnancy figure."  Two pregnancies & deliveries of 9lb+ babies made sure of that.

In the meantime, I'll treasure my precious kids that brought me to this point and learn to be content in my husband's sweats and maternity gear...even if I am 7 months post-partum.....

...because someday, there might be a little extra "guilt free" money to spend on a new pair of jeans, a compact of make-up, a colorful cardigan or a bag that doesn't just hold diapers.

And I'm okay waiting for that day.

day 2--cuteness from the tantrum thrower

We're dealing with the epic meltdowns that come along when your child turns two....and apparently continue on until they leave for college.  I'm a family studies major.  My coursework prepared me for understanding WHY a tantrum happens.  It did not prepare me for what it would be like to repeat 15 times in a row, "no you may not have a "cooookeeee"...."

Anyways, I digress.

What I MEANT to post about was the cute phrases that are repeatd in our house all day long.

Here's a typical conversation that happens about 15-20 times in our home (no joke) a day.

Lucy: "Daddy, where are you?" (Lucy begins the hunt around the house)
Me: "Daddy had to go work."
Lucy: "bye bye?"
Me: "yup, daddy went bye-bye."
Lucy: "chooees?"
Me: "yes, daddy put his shoes on."
Lucy: "Car?"
Me: "yes, daddy got in his car."
Lucy: (makes noises that resemble a very sick animal)
Me: "yes, daddy's car is terminally ill."

Day 1.

"Your breath smells rotten....we need to brush your teeth."

I got up and handed my husband our daughter's toothbrush hoping that the overpriced tube of bubblegum toothpaste (seriously, is it even really toothpaste?) I had purchased this past weekend would cure the halatosis erupting from our two year old's mouth.

 I then plopped down in the comfort of my desk chair intent on zoning out to facebook & pinning DIY projects I'll likely never have time (nor talent) for. Instead, I found a challenge that intrigued me.

I'm now deciding to take part in a "blog every day for the month" challenge....
For the record, I had no idea that November is National Blogging Month, ..I'm just a little bummed I didn't know ahead of time or I would have baked a cake.

The theme?  "Blogging for Blogging's sake"---(FYI, this makes me want to bust out in Christmas Carol lyrics, "so be good for goodness sake..." )  I like that it isn't really a theme, just write.

I dig it.

My sister-in-law is committed to writing a novel this month & now I'm committing to doing my best to over-share and bore my 14 subscribers out there with intricate details of our days.....at least every day for the month of November.

stay tuned...

Treat others well...

I hate waiting.


I can’t stand being stuck behind a slow driver…(or a bad one!) I dislike being held up in line at the grocery store. It drives me nuts when I have to make an effort to get around someone walking slow or taking up an entire aisle in Wal-mart.

I know what bothers me & as such I try not to impose on others in the same way. Unfortunately, I’m probably the worst kind of offender.

In this current season of life I am being convicted of all the times I have rolled my eyes trying to get past someone, tapped my foot impatiently in the checkout line or honked my horn and shaken my fist at another driver. Why am I being convicted? Because I just never know what’s really behind their actions.

The person that is in “my way” in the store? Maybe they are so focused on getting all the items on their list, keeping their children quiet or trying to find the best deal that they simply don’t notice I’m trying to pass by with great impatience.

The person driving “too slow”? Maybe they are out for a relaxing drive around town because their babies just fell asleep and it’s the first time in weeks they’ve gotten some peace and quiet—or maybe this is how “date nights” are occurring for them right now.

The “bad driver” that speeds past me on the interstate? Maybe they are running late for yet another doctor’s appointment, a desperately needed play date or are in dire need to meet their best friend for coffee and girl chat. (side note: I am not condoning BAD driving at all…)

The person holding me up in line because they are watching their purchases like a hawk? Maybe they are having to stretch an already too thin budget to purchase groceries for their family. Maybe in order to put food on their table they are needing to use complicated governmental assistance programs. Maybe they are price matching and/or using coupons in order to avoid a trip to another store and lower the money coming out of their pockets.

We’ve all been an annoyance to someone. For me, I’m trying to think before I act out in impatience. Knowing that I’ve been both the giver of such impatience AND recently the receiver of such impatience, I’m desperately trying to remember we just never know what’s going on in that particular person’s life that day---and maybe a little extra patience and grace could go a LONG way.

Because while that person might be a minor annoyance to me today, I could be just as annoying to them tomorrow….and well, I’d like to think the “treat others as you’d like to be treated” rule could work in my favor…

~takin' a walk in someone else's shoes...~