I've alluded to this topic many....many times before.
About six weeks ago I felt overcome by fatigue of the rut I had dug myself into. Sure, there has been a lot on my plate to manage....and sure, there are things going on that are out of my control. BUT, my frustration was coming from my own lack of discipline across many layers of life. I was disappointed that I wasn't getting done what I wanted to get done...nor was I accomplishing "goals" I had set in my head.
After pouring out my frustrations with my husband I realized that so much of my frustrations were from areas of life that while they felt like they were out of my control, there were things I could do to improve in them.
I've made lofty goals before and failed miserably. Mostly because I've set goals out of selfish ambition, pridefully seeking out my own self-interests and ignoring what God would desire of my time and talent.
So, like in all areas of planning in my life....I made a spreadsheet.
I identified nearly 20 areas/goals/domains that I either wanted to maintain or improve on.....
And then for six weeks, I prayed through that list. Over and over again not just recognizing the "area", but the importance behind it. Why do I REALLY want a clean home? Is it to look impressive/be able to brag/make myself feel better than other moms? Or do I want to create a peaceful environment for my family?
I am ashamed to admit that goal-setting for me can often be a prideful practice....in which I can quickly see it as a way to "one-up" the person I might be envious of that day. Which is why I sat on this list for six weeks...and prayed for God to reveal to me what areas HE wanted to work on....what areas HE felt needed to be addressed....why HE felt it was important to get some things in order.
It's been a fruitful time of discovery. Ironically during these last several weeks, a blog I love has also been doing a series on personal discipline---and I've been re-reading Five Smooth Stones for a discipleship group at church.
The theme for me is clear.
You make time for what is important to you.
I wouldn't dream of not checking my facebook/email/pinterest/blogs for a day.....or skipping watching TV...or putting down that book that is such a good read. But ask me when the last time was that I spent a great deal of time (say, everyday for a week?) studying scripture and I'll quickly tell you I just don't have time. I don't need a "self help" book to tell me what's wrong with that equation.
It's embarassing, but true. You make time for what is important to you.
There is SO much that begs for my attention during a given day---mostly good things in moderation. But it is easy to let those things be what fills me up/relaxes me....and it's even easier to allow those things to take over my time in my life.
I'm not sure I'll ever be in a position to blog about these 20 areas---but in the weeks coming up, I have plans in place to start getting back into a better groove...whether it be coupons, housekeeping, savings or quality time with my husband.
It feels good---this time around---to have my focus for change rooted in the one who has changed me.