This week has been challenging...actually, the last few weeks have been "challenging." Between illness, financial stress, cars breaking down, job frustrations and a due date that is nearing ever so quickly....I've just been ready to wave the white flag.
"You win." (I'm not really sure who I'm referring to when I utter that statement, but I've said it...and some things I'll never publicly admit to.)
I told my husband this week that I was angry. Not at him, of course, but angry seems to sum up all the feelings I'm dealing with. (You could toss in bitter, resentful, fogotten, worried, sad, etc....but angry really sums it up best.) What's most frustrating is that whenever I feel angry--I almost immediately feel guilty. "But I should be thankful to have a job that allows me to work-from-home/thankful that I have any food in my pantry/thankful that I have a home to sleep in/thankful that I have heat, water, clothing..."
And I am thankful...but right now, I still feel pretty darn angry.
And you know, I could probably blame most of these feelings (and I do!) on pregnancy emotions...and who can blame me? In less than 10 weeks I'm going to be a mamma to two little ones under two. And maybe I'm even more angry because I want this time to be about preparing for that stage, preparing a nursery, enjoying this time as a little family of 3....
So this morning my precious little gal' (sensing my need for some extra zzzz's) chose to sleep until about 9:30. I checked my email on my phone before hopping out of bed & came upon even more disappointing news. I changed her diaper, filled up a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch & a cup of apple juice, and I plopped her down on the sofa with the latest episode of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse."
Yes, I did that. I'm that mom today.
I set to responding emails, balancing our bank account, & brainstorming with my husband over ideas of what to do about our car. I ended the phone call and tears of frustration set in (another side-effect of pregnancy/the "angry" feeling.) Right about that time the familiar tune from this cartoon came on.."Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog...we've got ears come on...."
My daughter always stops what she's doing and begins dancing when this song comes on.
Today she toddled into the dining room where I was sitting at and she just had the biggest grin on as she continued to dance for me. I smiled. She smiled. Snot ran down her face (illness side effect) & tears ran down mine.
~You (again, whoever "you" are) can take my car, my bank account, my time.....but you can't take away the joy of the "hot dog dance"~